You are not seeing other people. You are witnessing unfinished versions of yourself.

This is the hidden mechanic of the human psyche. This is projection. It is the unconscious act of exiling the disowned, unloved, and unseen parts of yourself—your shadow—and then perceiving them in the world around you.

You do not see what is. You see what you are, and then you call it reality.

The Unconscious Mechanics of the Mirror

Your psyche is wired for coherence. It cannot tolerate contradiction within itself. So, when a trait, desire, or feeling arises that clashes with your self-image (the “I’m a good person” story), it must be dealt with.

The ego’s solution? Export it.

1. The Ejection: A part of you is deemed “unacceptable.” Perhaps it’s your rage, your laziness, your vanity, your deep need for love. This is too threatening to your identity, so the psyche performs a sleight of hand. It takes this internal quality and projects it outward onto a screen—another person.

2. The Haunting: Now, you see this trait in them. You are utterly convinced of it. Their behavior becomes proof. “He is so arrogant.” “She is so needy.” “They are so irresponsible.” The judgment is fierce and confident because you are, on some level, judging that exiled part of yourself.

3. The Reaction: You then have a perfectly justified reason to react to this external “threat.” You can criticize, attack, withdraw from, or try to “fix” the other person. This is the ultimate distraction—a full-time external campaign to avoid the internal civil war.

What you can’t be with runs you. And what runs you, you project.

The Tell-Tale Heart of Projection

How do you know you’re projecting? The emotional charge is the signature.

Intense, irrational irritation at a minor flaw in someone else.

Overwhelming admiration that feels like awe—you’re seeing a potential in them you haven’t claimed in yourself.

Certainty. The utter, unshakable conviction that you know exactly what someone else is thinking, feeling, or intending (and that it’s about you).

When your reaction is disproportionate to the event, you are not reacting to the event. You are reacting to the ghost of yourself you see in it.

The Path of Reclamation: How to Take Your Ghosts Back

The spiritual journey is the process of withdrawing your projections. It is the end of haunting and the beginning of wholeness.

1. Catch the Charge. The moment you feel a surge of judgment, irritation, or awe toward someone… STOP. This is the alarm bell. This is the signal that a projection may be in play.

2. Turn the Question Inward. The most powerful question you will ever ask yourself:

“If I am so sure that they are arrogant… is it possible there is a part of me that is arrogant, or wants to be seen, or believes it’s better than others?”

“If I am so sure they are irresponsible, where am I being irresponsible in my own life?”

“What I admire so deeply in them is that a disowned potential lying dormant within me?”

3. Own the Ghost. This is the act of supreme courage. To say, “This is not about you. This is about me.” To reclaim that exiled part. To welcome the arrogance, the need, the laziness, the power, the beauty back into the fold of your being. Not to act it out, but to acknowledge it, to understand its origin, and to integrate it with compassion.

4. Clean the Mirror. As you withdraw your projections, the world around you becomes clearer, quieter, and less personal. People stop being your tormentors and become your teachers. Every intense reaction becomes a sacred clue, pointing you back to a part of yourself waiting to be embraced.

The person you judge most harshly is your greatest guru. The quality you admire most deeply is your own potential calling you home.

Stop fighting the ghosts in the world. Turn around and embrace the one casting them.

The kingdom of heaven is within. So, it turns out, is everything else.

– Aaron Hurst